Growing Up.

It's 5 months until my 18th birthday today. 5 months until I'm officially an adult in the eyes of the world. 

On Facebook, I keep seeing people's birthdays popping up, that some of my closest friends are turning 18, 19 or 20 and it's such an odd feeling because I don't feel that old and my friends don't seem that old and it's quite terrifying if I'm honest. I don't feel ready to become a proper adult. I don't feel ready to get a job, pay for everything myself, live by myself, own a house, get married or do any of the other things that seem to be the norm for adulthood these days. I still get nervous signing my own forms and prescriptions as I don't feel qualified. I feel like I need some sort of experience before I can be responsible for anything and it's a weird sensation where everything feels unreal and like I'm not meant to be at this stage yet, like I have so much more to learn. 

But I guess that's the point. 

Life IS a leaning experience and once you finish Uni, you have to learn in a completely new way; by experiencing life, not just learning the facts and taking an exam at the end. Life ends up becoming one big exam where you're constantly tested and assessed and you have to adapt to this whole new way of learning and living. 

I think that's why Uni seems like such a great and attractive concept to me as you're partially given that freedom you need to experience before you get into the real world properly. It's like the pre-school to life where you learn the basics of independent living which is both exciting and terrifying at the same time.

Jess xx

Fears and communication.

I had a blood test done this morning...it didn't go well. I'm diabetic but I have a massive fear of needles. Ironic, I know. I get quite stressed out about having my blood taken but today my blood sugar went too low half way through and it ended up that I was shaking so much that the nurse had to stop half way through doing it because she physically couldn't get any more blood out...fun. I almost fainted and felt really sick so in the end she let me go with only half of it done. 

It stressed me out loads and I've not been feeling right the whole day. I feel so drained and tired and also quite sick so I've been curled up in my favourite comfy lounge trousers since I returned from college, looking for more blogs to follow. I've found some really gorgeous blogs and some really lovely people who have kindly followed me back and commented on posts which had cheered me up a lot.

I love finding new blogs and new people to talk to, you never know who you will meet with just a few lines on a post of theirs and a click of the 'publish' button! Talking to new people is one of my favourite things to do because 99% of the time, bloggers are the loveliest people you will meet and real life people are pretty nice most of the time too as long as you make the effort. 

I always make sure I talk to people that comment on my posts because I don't want to give the impression of being distant! The amount of bloggers that I see ignoring their commenters and followers confuse me, I don't understand why people wouldn't want to reply to someone that obviously decided to bridge the distance and attempt to communicate with them! Every time I've spoken to a blogger, it's always been great and I actually now have a great real-life friend from blogging so it works out well quite a lot of the time! 

Jess xx

Results and disappointments

I got my AS results back today and to be honest I was pretty upset and disappointed when I found out my grades. I got BCCCC which I wasn't expecting at all. I was expecting an A in extended project (my B) and I really wanted Bs in Ancient History and Classics so I was quite disappointed and confused about what I'd done wrong. I expected a C in English lit so that was okay. The only result I'm actually happy with is Biology because I was expecting much lower. I'm still dropping it though so yeah...not a good day for me really. It also makes me quite worried that I can't do A level exams properly and that I won't get any offers from my Uni choices or get into the ones I do get offers from because my grades won't be good enough (if I get some). I'm having to re-think my uni choices at the moment to make sure I have myself covered if I do mess up next year too.
I guess the only things that I can do are revise earlier and make sure I understand everything. I will have to get more help with exams from my teachers so yeah.
I have to re take at least one module in Classics to try and get it up to an A but I'm not sure if I'm going to re sit anything else yet, I'll have to talk to my teachers.
I guess my problem is that I've always been quite smart so to now get rubbish results when they actually matter, it's not good!
It can only get better next year I suppose!
Jess xx