Thursday thoughts.

Despite handing my English coursework in last Monday, life has still been trundling along at quite a relaxed pace with not a lot going on. I've figured out that going into college for first lesson and doing my homework there takes away a lot of unnecessary stress so I have time to read and do outside research and work for my subjects which is really great!

A few things that are/have been happening or running through my head recently: 

- Just over a month until my birthday - I'm so excited but scared to turn 18!

- I can't wait to start Uni; I drive past Reading in my lessons so it's just out of reach taunting me!

- I get to go to the British Museum with my Classics class after half term and I can't wait!

- I had to go to the hospital for a diabetic check up yesterday and they told me I have the option to see a psychologist for my needle phobia which might be a good thing, I haven't decided yet. 

- I've decided that when I get to Uni, I want flowers in my room. I don't have any in my room now and I think they're really pretty so I want some when I have a space that is 100% my own. 

- I've finally got a proper, close group of friends and I couldn't be happier! I always feel a bit detached from friendship groups so it's nice to be able to get this now.

- My love for American sweets has been rekindled, I can't believe I forgot how good they are! 

- My driving test is 4 weeks yesterday which is rather scary! I think I'm doing pretty well though and I hope I pass first time! 

- I have to go back to Cardiff and Birmingham Unis within the next two months and I'm excited because I get to look around them again! It will be difficult to choose between them.

- I still haven't heard back from Exeter Uni which is really annoying...I don't want to go there and I have to wait for them to reply which is stopping me from being able to do anything with the rest of my choices! Even if I wanted to go there, I would be put off by now purely because they're being so long with choosing! 

Hope you guys enjoyed reading this! It's nice to just put down my thoughts sometimes! 

Jess xx

Stress.

I have an incredibly bad case of over stressing about nearly everything. I worry about work, friends, family, money, my future, my appearance, my health and about a million other things all at once. Sometimes, it isn't so bad, but when I really think about what I have to do, it completely overwhelms me and I get really panicked. 

I didn't get good grades at AS so I have to do 3 extra exams in June which means I have to start revising earlier and a lot more. Now my UCAS is being processed by my chosen Universities, I'm worrying whether I will get any offers because my predicted grades I have been given aren't particularly good and one of my back ups changed their grades to be slightly higher, meaning my favourite University is actually my lowest grade so I have no back up choice. I've been a given an interview next month so I'm also worrying about that, just incase I'm not good enough for them or if I say the wrong thing. 

I feel like I'm running out of time and like I don't have enough time to fit in all of my homework and coursework while fitting in the books I need to read from my personal statement from my interview and I just feel completely overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to do, all with equal importance so nothing can be prioritised apart from by due date. 

I already spoke of being diabetic and I'm scared that if I end up stressing too much, my blood sugar will start to get out of control and I'll end up with unwanted health problems. I've also gained a bit of weight in the last few months which is also bad because it means my lack of exercise is actually making a difference and I feel like I'm being generally unhealthy but I can't do anything about it because I only have time for homework and the occasional blog post when things get too much. I know I need to change my ways but I just can't seem to fit anything into my schedule. 

I don't get to see my friends outside of college apart from the very occasional party so I feel like I'm drifting away from them which is terrifying as most of them have been my friends since I was 11 so I cant bear to think of losing them because I don't have time to fit them in at the moment. 

I also know that I need a job to fund anywhere I do end up going with people as it will inevitably cost money but I don't have time to get a job and wherever I do apply, they never even interview me, let alone offer me the job as I have no experience whatsoever. It worries me that I'll never be able to get experience so I won't be able to get a job in Summer when I will need to be saving up money for University.

The only things that are keeping me sane at the moment are this blog and talking to a new friend on Tumblr as it's nice to get to know new people (hi Jake, if you're reading). 

I seem to be crying a lot and feeling really moody because of this lately but I don't really know any ways of de-stressing. 

If anyone has any tips for not stressing out completely and having a breakdown, I'd very much appreciate it right now.

Jess xx

University and Make Up.

This has been a rather good weekend!

On Saturday, me and my family went to London for the day but my brother felt ill so we ended up going home quite quickly after arriving. We managed to go to lunch at a restaurant called Hawksmoor before we left though and it was incredible. I had been there for breakfast before I went to my lecture day at UCL and that was also amazing but our lunch was the best I've ever had. It was in the centre of Covent Garden and quite difficult to find but so worth it, the food is so so amazing there. They're a steakhouse and they live up to their name fully. I had a really gorgeous fillet steak which was the best I've ever had! I had a quick look in Kate Spade before we left too but it wasn't as amazing as usual which was sad! My parents said that we can return in a couple of weeks when my brother is better so that will be fun!

Once we got back home, I found a letter from Reading University asking me to visit them for an interview next month! I have slightly lower predicted grades than what they want but because of my experience, they're giving me a chance which I'm really grateful for! It's a great course so I'm quite excited but very nervous as I don't know if I will be good enough!

I'm a type 1 diabetic which means I have to do injections. I have done since I was 10 and I have a severe phobia of needles so they gave me a spring loaded device so all I have to do is push a button and the needle will be automatically released. I used to have breakdowns when I tried to physically inject myself but I was told a few weeks ago that they've stopped making the spring device so I've been having to try physically inject myself so I can incase one of them breaks. I've been panicking about it so mum bribed me with a shopping trip. I've managed to do it a few times now so after Sunday lunch, me and mum went to Reading and went shopping! I got a few great pieces that I've been wanting for ages but I don't get to have them until Christmas so you have to wait and see what I got! I'm really excited though! 

Jess xx

Fears and communication.

I had a blood test done this morning...it didn't go well. I'm diabetic but I have a massive fear of needles. Ironic, I know. I get quite stressed out about having my blood taken but today my blood sugar went too low half way through and it ended up that I was shaking so much that the nurse had to stop half way through doing it because she physically couldn't get any more blood out...fun. I almost fainted and felt really sick so in the end she let me go with only half of it done. 

It stressed me out loads and I've not been feeling right the whole day. I feel so drained and tired and also quite sick so I've been curled up in my favourite comfy lounge trousers since I returned from college, looking for more blogs to follow. I've found some really gorgeous blogs and some really lovely people who have kindly followed me back and commented on posts which had cheered me up a lot.

I love finding new blogs and new people to talk to, you never know who you will meet with just a few lines on a post of theirs and a click of the 'publish' button! Talking to new people is one of my favourite things to do because 99% of the time, bloggers are the loveliest people you will meet and real life people are pretty nice most of the time too as long as you make the effort. 

I always make sure I talk to people that comment on my posts because I don't want to give the impression of being distant! The amount of bloggers that I see ignoring their commenters and followers confuse me, I don't understand why people wouldn't want to reply to someone that obviously decided to bridge the distance and attempt to communicate with them! Every time I've spoken to a blogger, it's always been great and I actually now have a great real-life friend from blogging so it works out well quite a lot of the time! 

Jess xx