The last month and a half.

I've now been at University a month and a half now and it's honestly flown by so quickly. 

I have some great friends and I love my course but I still can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow not meant to be here and that I don't deserve to be here because I didn't get the grades I needed. I handed in my first assignment last Thursday and I stayed up quite late Wednesday night finishing it as I just couldn't figure out how to write the essay properly - I found it a real struggle to get back into proper academic work as I haven't written anything since exams in June and I've never written a University level piece of work which terrified me. I've always been a perfectionist and I like being given a push in the right direction so the independent learning is completely new to me and it's difficult as I have to figure out if what I'm doing is right or not by myself. 

I know as I go on, this will get easier and I'll learn the style Uni looks for, just like I did for A level, but I still don't feel good enough. 

I need to work out how to manage my time better, especially as I have this week free of lectures so I have 1 and a half more days to work solidly on my next assignment if I plan it right. I guess it's just part of the learning experience and the gaining of independence and it'll come to me in a bizarre 'Eureka' moment (at least I'm hoping it will...) so for now I'm going to read a lot, make a lot of notes and ask a lot of questions in the hopes that it'll be enough to get me through this year successfully.

Jess xx